Dare to be REAL

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Keeping it real

I have never felt so alone… I hate who I have become but I only became this way through the striving for perfection. The words and thoughts of others around me always reminding me of my faults, who knew with the desire to make everyone happy would come depression for oneself. At this point I feel as though the only thing that could make things better is to leave. Get away from everything. And just hope that the change in the environment will eventually change me. I can see my “friends” getting frustrated at me….I see how they act different with me because I seem so difficult to manage when in reality all I want is for things to be like they used to or better. It’s the feeling that you can no longer be left alone because your own thoughts could drive you to do something so incredibly stupid. The nostalgia you feel from everything you see, it rips you apart cause you feel like life now could never be that great again. You try and convince yourself that loneliness is better than death…but the line seems to be thinning out. I really hope that one day I’ll look back on this post and laugh at the fact that I thought that things wouldn’t get better…but for now, life seems pretty fucked.

Thursday, June 30, 2011